I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
