Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
