yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
