so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
