I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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