she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
