ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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