dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
