Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
