Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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