Well douche your snatch and let's go!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
