i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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