Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
