I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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