Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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