I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize