who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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