and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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