wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
