My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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