I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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