is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we're so committed to being not committed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
