So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
