Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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