they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
