Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
