a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
