I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
