He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
