I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He has the fingertips of a God
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
