you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
