My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
