the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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