girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
