NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
send nudes
from the living room?
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