She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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