The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
