pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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