I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
