Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
