I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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