is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize