just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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