Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
