3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
