it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
