I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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