He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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