Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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