she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
