I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
