if you like me you must not know who I am
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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