um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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