my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
