Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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