apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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