I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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