Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
