just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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