They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize