You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wear drunk well.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
