I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
