There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
