i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
