You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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