I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
