WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
