What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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