They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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