matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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