if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
