That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
